Greenland Is Hot Under The Collar

No, this isn’t a story about climate change, though that may factor into the overall picture. Greenland is rightfully pissed about a delegation the US is sending to the world’s largest island, and no, sending along the Second Lady for political cover isn’t helping. After US President Felonious Punk has repeatedly insisted that the US is going to take over Greenland, the people who live there are ready for Americans to just go the fuck away.

At issue here is a trip planned to Greenland this week that includes US Secretary of Energy, Chris Wright, and National Security Advisor, Michael Walz. Greenland views this as an extremely aggressive diplomatic move, one they’re not willing to tolerate.

“What is the national security adviser doing in Greenland?” Greenland’s prime minister, Mute B. Egede, asked. “The only purpose is to demonstrate power over us. His mere presence in Greenland will no doubt fuel American belief in Trump’s mission — and the pressure will increase.”

Egede didn’t bother to hide his frustration. On Sunday, he told a Greenlandic newspaper that Greenlanders’ effort to be diplomatic just “bounces off [Felonious Punk] and his administration in their mission to own and control Greenland.”

Also upsetting folks in Greenland is the fact that they just finished national parliamentary elections and a new government has yet to be established. “The fact that the Americans are well aware we are in the middle of negotiations,” said Jens-Frederik Nielsen, the leader of the most popular political party, “once again shows a lack of respect for the Greenlandic people.”

Understand, the people of Greenland have tried being nice. On the whole, they are generally very polite and welcoming people. Given that they live much of the year in the dark and cold, one might understand if they were a little more grumpy. They’ve long given the US and other countries plenty of opportunity to establish military bases and mine for minerals. It’s not their fault that the land itself is totally uncooperative on both fronts.

Ms. Vance, for her part, is traveling with one of her children (cue the photo ops) and will attend the national dog sled race. The attempt to distract from the more questionable purposes of Wright and Walz is noticeable and no one is buying it. Any newspaper that headlines Ms. Vance’s part of the visit is just sucking up to the White House.

What does Denmark have to say, given that Greenland is a self-governing territory of the Nordic country? They’re not in favor of this visit, either. The prime minister of Denmark, Mette Frederiksen, said. “The visit from the United States cannot be seen in isolation from the public statements that have been made. This is something we take seriously.”

Compounding all the nonsense is the fact that ‘invading’ Greenland is just a stupid idea. While the US has had small military bases there since the end of WWII, the international community has largely been aware that any attempt at a military incursion on the island would soon turn into a search and rescue mission. The island is largely covered in ice. Yes, melting glaciers are exposing more bare ground than previously was seen, but not nearly enough to keep any invading troops from freezing to death.

Remember, Greenland does not have any roads connecting any of their towns to one another. Travel is done largely by snowmobile or dog sled. This is not an environment that is kind or forgiving. The coasts of Greenland should be bordered with a large sign that warns, “Enter At Your Own Risk.”

The harder Punk & Co. push, the less likely Greenlanders are to bend. These are people who know how to endure under the most impossible of weather conditions. They’re not threatened by a loud-mouthed guy with a bad spray tan who wouldn’t last five minutes on his own in the country. To them, the US has rapidly become that annoying neighbor down the block that keeps making noise.

The US would do better to leave Greenland alone and tend to its own house.