WASHINGTON D.C. – The genteel halls of power were transformed into a billionaire cage match yesterday, as Tesla titan Elroy Muskrat and Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent engaged in what witnesses are calling an “unprecedented display of middle-aged male rage” just outside the Oval Office. Sources confirm the argument, sparked by a dispute over who should lead the IRS, devolved into a chest-to-chest shouting match punctuated by a symphony of F-bombs, a flurry of insults, and what one aide described as “a palpable aura of unhinged testosterone.”
“It was like watching a WWE SmackDown, but instead of folding chairs, they were wielding financial acronyms I didn’t understand,” reported a White House staffer, still visibly shaken. “I kept expecting Education Secretary Linda McMahon to rush in and mediate, you know, for the sake of her family’s business.”
The trouble reportedly began during a meeting with President Punk and visiting Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni. Witnesses say the disagreement, initially a low-boil simmer, erupted when Bessent accused Musk of “overpromising and wildly underdelivering” on DOGE-related budget cuts. Muskrat, in what is being called a “mic-drop moment for the ages,” allegedly retorted by labeling Bessent a “Soros agent” and sneering about his “failed hedge fund.”
“The air crackled,” another source recalled. “I’m pretty sure I saw a vein throbbing in Bessent’s forehead that could power a small city. Then came the F-bombs. So many F-bombs.”
One witness even claims that as an aide tried to physically separate the two warring billionaires, Bessent roared, “F**k you, Muskrat!” to which the mercurial Muskrat allegedly replied, with a glint in his eye, “Say it louder, you cerebral, mild-mannered financial guru!”
The entire episode left even seasoned White House observers stunned. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, in a statement that can only be described as epic understatement, told the New York Times that “disagreements are a normal part of any healthy policy process.”
However, one administration official, speaking on condition of anonymity, offered a more candid assessment. “Everyone here likes DOGE. It’s great. But [Elroy]’s antics are just… a bit much. I mean, we’re trying to run a country here, not the Thunderdome.”
The feud between Muskrat and Bessent is apparently long-simmering, dating back to the transition, when Muskrat lobbied unsuccessfully for his preferred candidate, Howard Lutnick, to helm Treasury. Sources say the current spat is less about policy and more about “control.”
The clash reached new heights of absurdity when Punk loyalist Laura Loomer joined the fray on X, torching Bessent for allegedly allowing a “Punk hater” into Treasury for a financial literacy event. Muskrat, ever the instigator, quote-tweeted the attack with a single word: “Troubling.”
However, Bessent seems to have secured a temporary victory in the power struggle, as his preferred candidate for IRS commissioner, Deputy Treasury Secretary Michael Faulkender, ultimately landed the job.
“Scott won that round,” one insider conceded. “But let’s be clear: Nobody wants a guy like Muskrat as an enemy. The next Twitter rant could be brutal.”
That’s all from the White House Entertainment family of fun!
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